You did not come from my womb

One of my troublesome 3-year-olds has started calling me "okaasan." Yes, this IS right before she grabs my tits.

1. Your mom is outside the classroom, staring daggers at me through the plate glass window. If you cannot tell which of us gave birth to you, please refer to the following checklist:

Does the woman have a mullet?
Is the woman Japanese?
Does the woman bear a strong resemblance to an angry hedgehog?

If you have checked "yes" to ay of these questions, congratulations! I am not your mom!

2. Dude, your twin sister doesn't have the same maternal identity issues.

3. ...okay, don't stop, it's cute.

Blood in the Boardroom

I told the kid that if he kept running, he would hurt himself.

He stuck his tongue out and kept running.

What do you know, he tripped and bumped his face and his nose started gushing blood!

Despite tissue packets being even more rampant than swine flu in Tokyo, guess what ended up staunching his sanguinous nostril waterfall?

If you guessed "GTA's nice sweater from Zara that was soooo not on sale," you're right.

SeXXXy

One of my four-year-olds is very taken with me. She always crawls into my lap and, when we play Color Touch, likes to stroke my hair and cry, "Yellow!"

(Maybe I should get a new colorist...)

Today, I learned just HOW taken she is with me. She slid on the floor into my lap and wrapped her arms around me with a giggle. "Awwww," I crooned, "I love you, too!"

As she looked into my face and smiled, she started patting my breasts.

"No, honey."

Thoughtfully, as I disengaged her little hands, she snaked her arm out suddenly, grabbed my left nipple, and yanked it.

That's right, a four-year-old Japanese girl gave me a titty twister.

She did not get any points.

Indeed.

As a synaesthete, I'm extremely sensitive to a lot of stimuli, particularly color. I was pretty excited when I learned that synaesthesia isn't just me being crazy, but a legitimate meical issue. Sadly, it's become as trendy as bisexuality and Asperger's, but fuck those people.

Today, one of my favourite kids curled up in the corner of our room with the saddest face I've ever seen. I was worried.

GTA: "Hey, 'Kengo', are you okay?"
KENGO: .......
GTA: "Kengo...how are you?"
KENGO: (looking up at me with a very miserable expression) Today, I no colors.

I get you, kid. I get you.

Si Se Puede

Today, one of my four-year-olds followed me around chanting "BLACK MAN! BLACK MAN! BLACK MAN!" and smacking my ass.

I am a white woman.

Yaaaay

Kid grabbed my tit today. Guess it was just a matter of time.

Hey-ho, let's go.

Tales of Grossness

So, I learned something new last night.

When a nice young Japanese man shows you how to get on the absolute last train to take you home, it's apparently standard procedure for his friend to reach out and cup your right tit.

Golly, the culture here sure is fascinating!


My last kids' classes of the year went okay. My last group, which is the rowdiest, actually warmed my cold little heart. Favourite Student got so annoyed with his classmate's whining that he snagged the flashcards from me and started teaching the words to the bratty kid himself. I love that kid.

Children Are Kinky

I didn't even teach a kid's class yesterday, but they managed to amuse (and mildly horrify) me nontheless.

After arriving at work, I sat down to eat my delicious and thoughtfully-prepared konbini sammich when a little boy ran into the teacher's room.

"Hi!" I said brightly. "What's your name?"

He furrowed brow and stared at me, then looked down at my feet. "Purple!" he shrieked, pointing at my suede Jeffrey Campbell thankyouverymuch shoes.

"Good job, that's right! Purple!" I held my hand up. "High five!"

The child declined my offer of a high-five in favour of getting down and licking my left shoe.

I used to know a couple guys who'd pay for that kind of treatment. Why the hell am I working here?