SeXXXy

One of my four-year-olds is very taken with me. She always crawls into my lap and, when we play Color Touch, likes to stroke my hair and cry, "Yellow!"

(Maybe I should get a new colorist...)

Today, I learned just HOW taken she is with me. She slid on the floor into my lap and wrapped her arms around me with a giggle. "Awwww," I crooned, "I love you, too!"

As she looked into my face and smiled, she started patting my breasts.

"No, honey."

Thoughtfully, as I disengaged her little hands, she snaked her arm out suddenly, grabbed my left nipple, and yanked it.

That's right, a four-year-old Japanese girl gave me a titty twister.

She did not get any points.

Student Quotes

GTA: "My friend is having a baby!"
STUDENT: "What kind of baby is she going to have?"
GTA: "Errr...you mean, is it a boy or a girl?"
STUDENT: "No." *absolute silence*

...well, I guess it's one of the following, then:

1. Human
2. Caucasian
3. Made of delicious baby meats
4. Not on fire

TYPHOON, MY ASS

This isn't the first time we've been told a typhoon was coming, and it's not the first time we've been told a typhoon was coming and then nothing bleeding happened.

I'm just the tiniest bit bitter (bit bitter! that's fun to say!) because I would have liked a day off to do crap. I have a friend visiting this weekend and piles of decorative stuff lying around that I haven't put up in my four months or so of living in this apartment.

But mostly, I'm sorry that I've lived here just shy of a year and I STILL can't say that I've been through a typhoon, dammit!

Kitsune Udon

I love kitsune udon. It is delicious.



I'm too lazy to find a picture, but it is as such:



Udon noodles

Broth (I know this is probably fish dashi-based, but I try to close my eyes to it)

A big ol' sheet of aburage, which is that thin, sweet tofu you find surrounding the rice in inarizushi.

Typical Japanese noodle house toppings, like green onion, fishcake, seaweed, and occasionally a scattering of tempura batter- without the tofu, and just the tempura, it becomes tanuki udon, because nothing says "RACCOON DOG WITH GIANT MAGICAL BALLS" like pieces of fried batter.



So, okay, kitsune udon is a pretty normal thing. Most noodle houses have it. Sometimes izakaya have it. It is cheap, filling, and relatively vegetarian, and it tastes like awesomeness.



Japanese people like to talk about food. When I tell my students I've been travelling, they immediately ask, "How about the food?" immediately followed by "What did you eat?" It can be boring, but sometimes it sparks interesting discussions about the passage of culture between east and west, or changing tastes in the younger generation, or the popularity of certain cuisines and how it relates to social trends. Or they just sit there listing foods they like while the other students nod and smile, which at least kills time with boring fuckers.



Eventually, they ask me, "What's your favourite Japanese food?" I always answer, "kitsune udon." Their reaction never fails to surprise me.



They SHIT THEMSELVES LAUGHING. They clap their hands and lean back and their teeth positively glow with saliva (and the metal crap used to stick their teeth back in their heads). They tear up and giggle and go "EEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHH?????" like it's going out of style.



Not once have I received an explanation for ths behaviour. One of my Japanese friends told me "well, kitsune udon is really inexpensive," and gave me a confused look.



Maybe I'm the asshole here.

Again with this?

STUDENT: "Koreans are very resentful of the Japanese."
GTA: "Oh, because of the occupation?"
STUDENT: "No! No occupation...Japan and Korea were ONE."
GTA: .......
STUDENT: "Korea did not have any schools or any roads before Japan helped them! I don't understand why they aren't more grateful."


Welp...I have a clue....

Fashion! Turrrrrrrrrrrrn to the reft!

A brief trip to the Omotesando Softbank yesterday inspired the following.

AN OPEN LETTER TO JAPANESE PEOPLE:

Congratulations! You are known worldwide for your fashion sense. The
innovative nature of Japanese sartorialism is globally lauded, often
copied by Western designers (only to ring particularly hollow), lusted
after by legions of fashionistas everywhere, and may have caused Gwen
Stefani to completely lose her fucking mind. This really is something
that you should be proud of, and, in my opinion, it is something you
rightly deserve.

For example, I went into a boutique in Shinjuku station a couple of
months ago and there was a woman with a tree on her head. Just an
ordinary saleswoman, walking around casually adjusting things and
yelling "IRASSHAIMASEEEEEEE" at inanimate objects, but she had a tree
on her head. A fairly large one. And I think it was made of Tinker
Toys. My point being, she actually looked GOOD. If I put a tree on my
head, I would look like a fluffypagan at Burning Man. (That would be
"not so good.")

Despite this, I think you need a few pointers. Bear with me, and think
about heeding the following advice:

1. If it it 95 degrees out (close to 40, that is), then you should not
be wearing a sweatshirt and Doc Martens.

2. Pockets hanging out from the legs of your hotpants do not look
good. Also- and I'm not sure- but I think it must make it really hard
to put shit in your pockets.

3. Those snap-closure elbow-to-wrist gauntlets do nothing for your
arms. Moreover, if you MUST, pick a fabric that does not look like
upholstery. Unless you are a superhero with couch powers or your name
is Ottoman Chesterfield, upholstery gauntlets are strange.

4. If you cannot lift your bag without your boyfriend lending you a
hand, you need a smaller bag. Possibly with fewer keychains on it.

5. You have a choice: either you can wear foot-tall spike heels, or
you can walk like a geisha. Doing both will result in a symptom I like
to call Velociraptor Legs, in which your knees lock and your thighs
eventually grow a horrible frontal curve. I am not kidding about this.

6. YOU ARE NOT FOUR YEARS OLD STOP DRESSING LIKE IT.

7. Attention J-trannies! If you weigh 300 pounds and cannot remove
your 5 o'clock shadow, please do not dress Gothic Lolita! You make
Sailor Bubba look demure and feminine.

8. Actually, if you weigh 300 pounds, don't dress gothloli regardless of gender.

9. WEAR SHOES THAT FUCKING FIT, YOU IDIOTS.

10. If you wear false eyelashes (and I would, if I didn't wear
glasses), please try not to glue them several millimeters above your
actual eyelashes. It is creepy.

11. You may not be a yamamba. Ever.
11a. No, I'm not kidding. For the love of christ, stop.

12. Another issue with hotpants: please don't wear them if your
individual thighs are three times wider that your torso. I am not
kidding. You look like that kangaroo chick from Titan A.E.


I seriously just made a Titan A.E. reference? I quit.

Hell no, we WILL go.

Company policy dictates that if we leave a school during our shift in order to get something to eat, we should ask the staff first.

It's never been a problem before today, but when we asked if we could make our habitual run to the konbini, we were shot down with the typical buck-toothed, two-faced "Ohhhh, so sorry..."

No.

FUCK no.

We're at the school with no lessons; I'm sure my coworkers who read this blog know the school in question.

DO NOT ACCEPT THIS. Fight the system.